4 Situations Where Having Patience Can Actually Hurt You

4 Situations Where Having Patience Can Actually Hurt You Unless youve been living under a rock, youve probably noticed that lots of women have been demanding change recently. Weve been participating in Womens Marches, sharing the hashtag metoo, and running for office. Like many other people, Ive become more politically active in the last year than any other time in my life. Some days this can feel deeply empowering. On other days, I just feel angry and tired of waiting. In other words, Im impatient.Websters dictionary defines impatient as, Restless or short of temper especially under irritation, delay, or opposition. By contrast, it defines patient as, Bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint. It certainly sounds nicer to go through life feeling calm and without complaint than irritated and restless. However, there is a big difference between patience and complacency. Yes, some situations will get better if you just wait for a while. In other situations, action is necessar y, even if it means making yurself or others uncomfortable. When Im not sure whether being impatient is worth it, I ask myself the questions listed below. I have learned (sometimes the hard way) that they will help me choose the best path to reach my goals.Question 1 Is This Situation Truly Time-Limited?It is almost always easier to put up with difficult circumstances if there is a clear end date. This was one of the biggest lessons I learned when I transitioned from graduate school to the job market. I was occasionally unhappy in graduate school training placements but always knew I would move on in a few months. This made it relatively easy to avoid conflicts, power through heavy workloads, and table questions about pay or advancement I just needed to wait patiently.Those behaviors make much less sense now that I am in the regular workforce. These days, if Im feeling dissatisfied or impatient in my job, thats a cue I need to take action. Ive learned to resolve conflictswith cowork ers and have conversations with my supervisors about opportunities for advancement. There have also been times when Ive evaluated the situation and chosen to look for another job. Having difficult conversations with colleagues or asking for more money doesnt feel fun in the moment. I also can think of about 500 things Id rather do with my evenings than write cover letters. However, being proactive has helped me develop better relationships with coworkers and get more interesting and higher-paying work.Question 2 Is the Status Quo Hurting Me or Someone Else?There are times when a situation is so intolerable, you have to leave. My mother made the difficult decision to immigrate to the United States from the USSR in 1979. Just applying to leave the USSR during this time put my mothers whole family at risk of government retaliation. When she left, my mother was unsure whether shed ever see my grandmother again. Nor did things get immediately easier when she arrived in San Francisco. She started out with $300 in her pocket, a nine-year-old daughter to feed, and no English. Yet, through all of this, my mother knew the risks were worth it. Coming to the United States meant my sister would grow up in a country without Jewish quotas on university attendance. My mother could now get fresh groceries for her family without waiting in a three-hour food line. And she could freely practice her religion without fearing violence or arrest.My mothers story has a happy ending. zu sich perseverance paid off. She learned English and built a successful career as a vocational school teacher. She was also eventually reunited with my grandmother and had a second baby (me). If theres one thing my mothers life taught me, its not to passively wait for things to improve. Also, when you grow up with childhood stories like that one, its easier to put ones own problems in perspective.Question 3 Have You Carefully (and Creatively) Thought Through Your Options?Sometimes the biggest barrier to making a needed change is simply not knowing what options you have. A few years ago, my husband and I realized we needed more income to make ends meet. We had just moved to a new area, and he was still working on building a customer base for his business. I had recently switched jobs, so I couldnt really ask for a raise or make major career changes. This left us both feeling stuck, frustrated, and broke for a few months.Thankfully, we used some creative problem-solving techniquesto come up with a solution. We took an inventory of our strengths and resources and realized we had a few things going for us. We had some money in savings, my husband is incredibly handy, and we knew a trustworthy real estate agent. So, we decided to take the plunge and buy a fixer-upper that we resold for a good profit two years later.There were certainly times during that two-year period when I doubted the wisdom of our decision. In a single week, our dryer exploded, our water heater broke, and we realize d the whole bathroom needed to replaced. My husband also spent two years literally living in his office, which makes work-life balance challenging to say the least. However, while there was no instant gratification, the risk was ultimately worth it. After selling the house, we had enough money for my husband to stay home with our son for a year. That time together has been a priceless gesundheitsgefhrdender stoff for all of us.Question 4 Are You Willing to Be Patient with the Hard Parts of Change?After reading that subtitle, youre probably asking, Wait, isnt this article about having a lack of patience? The reality is that impatience is an incredibly valuable emotion, but a lack of patience alone will not fix all your problems. Impatience is a signal that something isnt working and can provide a nudge to take action. However, rocking the boat almost always has consequences, even when youve carefully weighed costs and benefits. This is why people like Rosa Parksand Susan Fowler are h eroes. They saw injustice and decided to do something about it, despite knowing there would be a significant personal cost.At this years Womens March, I saw a number of people carrying signs with a powerful --Rebecca Fraynt has a PhD in Clinical Psychology and is an all-around healthcare nerd. She lives near Seattle with her husband, toddler, and two rescue chihuahuas. When shes not working or chasing her dogs or child around the house, shes guzzling coffee, reading, or binge watching Star Trek.